I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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