He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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