if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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