jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Holy shit dude........stairs
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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