i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
