She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
