is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
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