you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
