i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
