Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
