Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
