I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
