Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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