Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
