I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
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My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
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He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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