were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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