Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
