VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
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