Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
