YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
