Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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