Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
