Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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