If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
