Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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