it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
either way he was missing a nipple.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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