thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
