his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
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four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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