I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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