Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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