let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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