dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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