took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
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