Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
