Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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