Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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