Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
