we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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