So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
