wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Randomize
