That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
