Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
