her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
What a dumb baby whore.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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