Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
