i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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