How'd it feel making her break her religion?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
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I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
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With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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