I want to stick my p in your. b.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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