k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize