I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
