i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
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Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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