Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
