I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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