Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
