Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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