I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
