The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
