Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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