No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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