Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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