please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
