while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
