I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
